Inner Peace and Releasing Attachments

In the age of electronics, millions are doing away with the practice of writing in notebooks and instead typing away at keyboards, iPhones and Blackberries. I’m still old school. I like to hand-write my goals each month, my to-do’s each week and take notes while coaching clients on, “yes”, a spiral bound notebook. (If you’re “all-electronic” as my husband is these days, I applaud you – but, I LOVE the feeling of writing on a pad! No use in trying to convert me. Not there yet.)

Anyway, over the years, I’ve become a connoisseur of spiral bound notebooks. Years ago, I discovered the “thickness” made a difference in my JOY and satisfaction! Besides, with heavyweight paper, the pages don’t curl as much. Ya know? There used to be several brands who made such a notebook, but they’ve been dying off … like dinosaurs. Gratefully, one supplier kept them inventoried at Walgreens … until recently.

I bought the last THREE Ultimate “5-Subject” Notebooks with “heavyweight paper,” but could see ‘the writing on the wall’, so to speak. They were replacing 5-Tabbers with notebooks saying “Heavyweight BACKS.” Any notebook connoisseur totally knows, “not the same.” I want the heavyweight PAPER! Please? (Can you sense my growing distress?) The Heavyweight reinforced backs are simply marketing switch and bait! Arrgh! ##%$#$#&!!

So, I went online to Walgreens. Found the notebooks … and ordered 10 notebooks! Blisssssss!!! Well, not exactly.

My shipment arrived with … you guessed it … all flimsy paper. I had to return all 10 notebooks to Walgreens … and much to my dismay, it doesn’t appear Walgreens has the notebooks I’m so darn attached to! Rats!!!

But, the story doesn’t stop there. I’m ATTACHED to heavyweight paper, like some people are attached to their Starbucks. I wasn’t going down without a fight! (aka: serious resistance!). I spent a ridiculous amount of time searching online for alternatives. I called customer support at Walgreens. And, I dragged John to another local Walgreens in hopes of snatching up a few of the “heavyweight” dinosaurs. To no avail. ((((Sigh)))).

And, while I’m laughing now … I can honestly say, I feel distressed. Will I ever find the same joy with another notebook? I doubt it … and this kind of thinking leads to more distress. Don’t worry this is only mild, and humorous distress, but if you happen to see a notebook with “heavyweight” paper … I’d be most grateful! We know we’re attached when pulling away has you feeling anxious. How could I be so attached to a style of notebook?

It happens, doesn’t it?

It had me remembering that all too familiar feeling of favorite food or clothing items being yanked off the market. Each time, a mini-grieving of sorts.

What items brought you immense joy that are no longer available?

My husband John and I brainstormed our graveyard of favorites … gone. R.I.P.

• As a kid … Quisp (cereal) – my brother and I were scarred for life, when it was discontinued (I know older brother Bill feels my pain.)
• A close second was Boo-Berry Crunch.” Waaah!!
• John’s sad about Almond M&M’s off the market.
• Lucky Jeans discontinued the jeans I’d recently fallen in love with the perfect style for my body 🙁
• McCormick’s Salmon Seasoning … GONE?! Boo hoo. Right after they teased me with the “new improved” seasoning! Darn it!
• My favorite tennis shoes … discontinued too! Arrrgghhh!
• And why oh why did Albertson’s quit inventorying organic lemons? Now I have to eat regular or make an extra trip to Whole Foods.

Can you feel the silly attachments?

And yet … I’m sure you can relate, albeit with a more personal list to you.

So what can we do when these pesky life transitions arise forcing us to let go of a mini-addiction? It’s clear, any size culprit can wreak havoc on your inner peace when we’re ATTACHED. Even 5-minutes of intense stress can lower your immune system for the next 6 hours. Even if it comes from attaching to a $5.99 notebook or brand of children’s cereal. LOL!

More importantly, how can we navigate life when the attachments are BIGGER, like being attached to a career, job, client or our home. And how many people are we attached to being IN our lives – or being ALIVE? Including our own life.

Here are 4 keys to dancing with attachments of any kind (and I’m not suggesting that it’s always easy!)

1. First … understand that attachments create pain. We know this is true. Addictions are the grand-daddies of attachment. We believe we’re not OK unless we have the “thing” we’re addicted or attached to. Holding doggedly to attachments is akin to taking a heavy object and hitting yourself over and over again – it only creates senseless pain.

2. Express your feelings. Arrrrgggh! While I joked about my distress with John on Sunday night, I was simultaneously feeling into the feelings (as I did in writing this article!) Anything we feel fully, transforms.

3. Get perspective. The vast majority of “attachments” are a lot like my fancy with “heavyweight” notebook paper, Quisp cereal and McCormick’s Salmon Seasoning – insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Last Wednesday, I had lunch with a college friend visiting from Minneapolis. About 5 years ago, she was diagnosed with Huntington’s disease, something afflicting 30,000 people in this country. There is no cure. Tough reality. Over time, you lose your ability to speak and breathe, as it numbs your tongue and throat. Another side effect is uncontrollable arm, body and facial gestures. My friend Kris is a champ. Her condition continues to progress, but she simply does the best she can. She’s not attached to getting a sentence right … every time. And, neither are her parents. I’m inspired by her positive outlook and willingness to let go of attachments like “playing the piano” or “driving.”

Kris and Mary

Any time I start to feel sorry for myself, it only takes a moment when I compare the loss of my “attachment” to a situation like Kris’s.

This isn’t about minimizing your desires … or very real attachments – big or small – it’s just about opening to new perspectives that allow space for greater inner peace.

4. New opportunities. At some point, I had to give up Quisp cereal. Unfortunately, it was earlier than my brother and I would’ve scripted. But, it made room for me to try new cereals. If your attachment is strong, it may take time to find an adequate replacement. When it comes to losing a spouse, divorce or losing a home, you may want to enlist the support of a professional coach or therapist to help you navigate new terrain.

Have fun noticing your attachments … big, small, silly and real. I invite you to explore your own attachments, and how you loosen their inner peace sucking grip when they come out to test you.

Share your thoughts with me at below!

What are you most attached to?