Inner Peace and Reflections on A Manifesto for Conscious Women

1.  No one likes universal apologies for maladies they did not commit.

Thousands of people reacted poorly to both A Manifesto for Conscious Men AND A Manifesto for Conscious Women.  Why? In reading Arjuna and Gay’s piece, many MEN felt minimized, emasculated and shamed for crimes they did NOT personally commit.  In reading our “rebuttal” A Manifesto for Conscious Women, many WOMEN felt minimized, insulted and shamed for crimes they did NOT commit.  Nobody likes universal apologies for maladies they did not commit.  Just doesn’t feel good, does it?

Very few have the capacity or desire to collectively own these hefty apologies, without shaming themselves or wanting to defensively attack.

Most of us have enough work to do in processing and healing our own transgressions before taking on ALL women’s or ALL men’s stuff.

What allows someone to objectively acknowledge the hurts caused to each gender with eyes wide open with curiosity without getting emotionally triggered?

2.  Still Lots of Open Wounds Between the Genders.   

As a society, we’ve come a long way in bridging the gender divide.  Women can vote, run businesses, and powerfully contribute to society in ways they couldn’t a century ago. Yet, many women still feel repressed or hold resentment against men for how women were treated in the past.  Lots of women suffer because they are so fixated on the inequality that still exists…and likely will always exist to an extent.

And, as women have become more empowered, some men have gotten shafted, and their resentments as a gender have grown.  A dear friend gave up 90% of his networth to his ex, to avoid a 5 year legal battle over seeing his children.  Worse yet, are men held responsible to provide for children that aren’t their own -even after confirming DNA tests.

Women’s Rights and Men’s Rights are charged topics.Wounds run deep on BOTH sides. 

Has me feeling greater compassion for both men and women.  While the opposite sex can bring tremendous joy, gender differences can offer Olympic-size tests of one’s inner peace.

As Robert Augustus Masters shared with me in a private email, “The war between the genders will not stop, I believe, until both can openly gaze upon the harm done by both and GRIEVE together…”

3.  What It’s Like To Be In The Line of Fire.

Mixed in with accolades and encouragement, the attacks were plentiful and colorful.  This was my first experience having my judgment, character, husband and our responsiveness harshly criticized.

As with any feedback, I always try it on.  Some of it was spot-on.  We admittedly were challenged in keeping up with comments (and still are). Time constraints, other commitments and communicating “just the right way” over complex and controversial issues is no small task.  Still, I hate disappointing people. Or having them believe we don’t care, which isn’t true.

Some believe I’m being controlled and manipulated by John, and I have an unconscious fear of not pleasing him.  At least a few said something like “Get some balls, and leave this man already!” Hardest was witnessing the accusations toward John.

I remember when Arjuna blogged about his experience in receiving seething criticisms and ruthless name-calling after posting The Art of Worshiping a Woman in Huntington Post.  I know how much this hurt Arjuna.  Very unfair. And far uglier than comments we received. Sad.

Now I have a greater appreciation for what it’s like for anyone in the spotlight to be callously attacked.  It’s childish, hurtful and serves only to distract everyone from exploring the difficult conversations more deeply.

All interesting accusations to “be with.”  A few put a distorted smile on my face because they were SO far from my reality.  Mostly it saddens me. People had an emotional reaction to the Manifesto, and without a better way to process those feelings — felt a verbal attack was the only option.

4.  Emotionally Charged Situations Are Always An Opportunity to Question Our Thinking 

If you’ve been a subscriber for awhile, read my book The Power of Inner Choice, or are familiar with Byron Katie’s “The Work,” you know I’m a big believer that it’s our “thinking” that creates our suffering.  

When clients or friends are in turmoil, there is NO question they are attached to certain thoughts.  It’s a lot easier to see this dynamic when others are doing it.  But, when we’re caught up in reactions, MOST people don’t step back and look at what their thoughts and beliefs are.  Even fewer are willing to challenge their assumptions.

I’m always on the lookout for what others are adamantly attached to because it helps me understand what’s driving their behavior and what’s at the root of their suffering.

• “People won’t change.”
• “They are manipulating me.”
• “They don’t care.”
• “Money is evil.”
• “I shouldn’t have to exchange time for money.”
• “I don’t know what my purpose is.”
• “Men are bad.”
• “Women are bad.”
• “Everyone should be equal.”
• “I’m not enough.”
• “This can’t be true.”
• “There is still discrimination.”
• “They should believe what I believe.”

Each thought we’re attached to shapes our lives.  And, so often the presuppositions aren’t even 100% true in reality.

For everyday inner peace, it’s imperative to be mindful of your beliefs and question your thinking.  Unless, you enjoy suffering, which I don’t.

• Are these thoughts absolutely true?
• Are there other perspectives worth exploring?
• Why is this person saying this?
• Can I find the grain of truth here?
• Is there value in dwelling on this thought?
• Am I open to challenging my assumptions?

It’s also important to recognize our RESISTANCE to certain thoughts.  From The Power of Inner Choice:

Attachment to Thought + RESISTANCE = Suffering 

EXAMPLE: It may be that a loved one is not in consistent communication with you, and you’re ATTACHED to the thought “They should be more responsive” while simultaneously RESISTING the reality that they are not as responsive as you’d like.

They aren’t making you suffer.  It’s your habit of continuing to play that thought in your mind (and others like it), again and again, that creates suffering.

If I believe “They should be more responsive” but I’m truly NOT resisting this reality… I can be at peace.  I may still want them to respond to me, but I can go about my life in the meantime.  And from that peace, perhaps inspire them to be more responsive in the future.

There are lots of charged thoughts between the genders that are difficult for people to acknowledge without resistance.  And, there are lots of thoughts seemingly taboo to question.  This prevents healing.

5.  Many People Are Missing Essential Conscious Thinking Tools to Discern Truth 

How do we get to truth?

When listening to rhetoric on the news, reading controversial blogs, or diciphering the next presidential candidate’s message, how can we peel back the veneer of words…and get to what’s most true?

Maybe we’re trying to support an arguing couple, a client in crisis or negotiate a business deal.  The place to begin is always teasing out the facts from the sticky emotions, assumptions, and attachments.    

Discerning what is grounded in reality vs. an exaggerated story of the mind is tricky.  The deeper the beliefs, the more challenging it is to gain perspective. And, if listening is compromised, lookout. If we’re not “literally listening” and staying focused on what’s at the heart of the matter, it’s easy to use any volatile situation as an opportunity to express anger and rage, distracting us from the simple reality before us.  But, doesn’t get us closer to the truth.

Some of the biggest arguments in society get lost in unconscious thinking processes.   No one feels heard.  No other perspectives considered.  No real understanding occurs.

A lot of people simply aren’t aware of Conscious Thinking Tools.  Without these tools, it’s virtually impossible to discern truth. With them, it’s easier to get to the heart of the matter, and we find ourselves face to face with “what is.”

As many commented on the Manifesto, we saw great examples of Ad-Hominem Attacks, Straw Man Arguments, and other logical fallacies.  Not picking on people who demonstrated these, as it’s something we all slip into from time to time.

Awhile back, my husband and I organized a list of Conscious Thinking Tools.  Each helps us discern reality more clearly, which also supports our own everyday inner peace. Here’s the link.

http://www.theconsciouscitizen.com/rulesforclearthinking.pdf 

6.  Recognizing Tangible Reality For What It Is, Is The First Step Toward Inner Peace.

If you’re familiar with my Inner Peace Reality Check process, you know the first step in transforming inner turmoil in minutes is asking, “What’s the reality of the situation?”  

That means, what are the objective, measureable facts before our reactive minds add meaning, story or interpretation about such facts. And before emotions skew perception.  Teasing out reality helps us simplify what is before us.

In spiritual circles, like ours, a lot of people ask, “Which Reality are you talking about?”  It’s popular to believe true Reality is that we’re all ONE. There is no separation.  It’s all made-up in the mind. We’re all spiritual beings having a human experience. Nothing really matters because it’s all an illusion.  Whatever you believe is your reality.

On the spiritual level, there are times when it’s useful to drop into the truth of the above statements.  Yet, these beliefs can also trap us, creating separation and interfering with our ability to see reality, as it is.  Robert Masters calls this “Spiritual Bypassing.”

There is a tangible reality that comes with living on planet earth. If you don’t stop at a red light, there is a good chance you’ll get hit by a car.  If you don’t pay taxes, the government eventually comes after you.  If you only put McDonald’s hamburger, fries and shakes in your body, you’re pretty likely to destroy your health.

This is the reality I’m speaking of.

And, if we deny, distort or argue with this reality, we’ll find inner peace more difficult to attain and sustain.

So we stop. Recognizing reality for what it is and what it isn’t. We notice what parts of reality we’re resisting and wish were different and which one’s add to our inner peace.  We may also notice what we can influence to change and what is outside our control.

In the middle of reality, we can clearly see, “Men Harm Women” and “Women Harm Men.”  And, maybe, in the recognition of these realities we can begin to reduce how often this happens.