Welcome new subscribers! Special thank you’s to those who are so generously spreading the word about this ezine and my Facebook Group “Inner Peace on Purpose.”
Amazing what can happen in a week, right? High’s and low’s and everything in between… both personally and in the world. I’m happy to report that my kids did indeed make it back to in-person school… masks and all. They are thrilled to be back!
We’re all grateful, and it also meant shifting to new routines and schedules mid-week. Getting up earlier (never my favorite!), in combination with interruptions and all the changes PLUS business deadlines made it intense last week. By Friday evening, I was blurry-eyed, exhausted and entering the “overwhelm zone.”
I decided to make my lemons into your lemonade, by sharing the process I take myself through when I get discombobulated and stress bubbles like Friday evening. Would that be helpful?
Heck, we all have moments when our emotional circuit breakers crash. Helping people reset their nervous systems and quickly re-align with life’s twists and turns is my specialty. That doesn’t mean I love it when I’m “in it.” Who does, right?
If you’ve been with me awhile, you’ve heard about my Inner Peace Reality Check process. It’s simply, 6 questions that transform emotional turmoil in minutes. These are my “go to” questions when I find myself in an emotional traffic jam… when overwhelm, stress, self-doubt, and exhaustion… or any other discombobulating cocktail of feelings collide. Wham! Bam! *%$#@#&??!
Inner Peace Reality Check
Before I share how I walked myself through this process, it’s important to know when these questions will be most useful to you, so you spend less time “in it” and quickly return to your center.
Step #1 – First, you need to recognize when you’re in a tailspin or otherwise stuck. The mind may be jammed with competing thoughts. Your emotions may be a murky blend of your least favored feelings — fear, worry, uncertainty, anxiety, stress and overwhelm. It may feel like there is no possible way to win, given the current snapshot of time. Next time this happens, stop and go to Step #2.
Step #2 – Secondly, you must be willing to pull out these questions and write down your answers. This is often the hardest part, but I pinky promise you’ll be glad you did.
Step #3 – Third, it’s helpful to get good at walking yourself through the 6 questions, I’ll share below. That’ll take practice. But, countless others have mastered these questions quickly, so I know without a shadow of a doubt, you can too.
And, I’ve got more resources to help you.
Later this month, October 27th at 1pm PT/4pm ET, I’ll be offering a free webinar called “Calm in the Chaos.” Mark your calendars. I’m super excited!!! Just for attending the full webinar, you’ll receive a special gift (100% free) that takes an even deeper dive into the 6 questions below. Details about accessing the webinar are coming in 2 weeks, so keep opening my emails so you don’t miss it!
In the meantime, download the 6 questions of the Inner Peace Reality Check here, and keep these handy for when you need them most.
Our relationship with reality is everything
Chances are you’ve heard me talk about our relationship with reality as being the single most important relationship to master when it comes to upleveling your inner peace and power. It really is.
In its purest form, reality is neutral. It simply is. The sky is blue. It’s raining. Someone said, “XYZ” or “ABC.” Someone didn’t return your phone call. There is a lot to do. There is nothing to do. The dog barked. The cat meowed.
Reality is always much simpler and kinder than the stories we have about it.
It’s when we start adding meaning, story and interpretation to whatever is arising in reality that we open pandora’s box of shoulds, judgments and emotional triggers.
When we exaggerate or minimize reality, distort it, deny it, argue with it, try to perfect it, forecast it, or otherwise “resist” reality, we’re setting ourselves up for needless suffering. It also wreaks havoc in our relationships with others, especially when we interpret their actions or inactions as mean, uncaring or negligent. I talk about all of these ways we skew reality in greater detail in my book “The Power of Inner Choice” in Lesson #8 on Embracing Reality.
We all do it to various degrees. But, when resistance peaks, it’s helpful to stop and notice how we’re skewing reality.
When we can simply see reality for what it is and what it isn’t, a beautiful unraveling takes places. Overwhelm diffuses. Upsets are neutralized. Stress and emotion relax. Intensity softens. Options to move forward open up. And we find ourselves more quickly resting back in our calm power.
Diffusing Mary’s Overwhelm
Back to Friday evening. After the kids were home, I had unfinished business with finances, so retreated to my office while the kids and John enjoyed some pool time. Yep, Mommy Guilt trickled in as I noticed the tug-o-war between wanting to be in two places at once. Arggghh! I powered through the finances and was inspired to finishing touches on another resource I’m preparing to make public. Whew!
I shifted gears for dinner and our weekly tradition of “Family Movie Night.” Always a treat to unwind and snuggle up with the entire family under cozy blankets. That was the enjoyable part.
But, when the kids went to bed, all my to-do’s flooded in and I couldn’t quite shake that residual feeling of overwhelm. I was too exhausted for a glass of wine, so crawled into bed with my notepad to walk myself through these 6 questions from my Inner Peace Reality Check.
1) What’s the reality of the situation? (With this question, I want to name what’s happening in my reality as objectively and simply as possible… positive things, negative things and neutral things. Facts.)
- I was exhausted – I was up earlier than normal and had less sleep all week.
- Kids started in-person school.
- Husband’s business has financial stress.
- Lots of interruptions during my week. Felt less productive.
- I’m going out of town next weekend and later in October, so only X number of work days before then.
- I’m launching my first ever webinar on 10/29! (It’s ready to go, but other details aren’t.)
- I’m offering a new 6 week program at the end of the months (it’s ready to go, but other details aren’t.)
- I want/need to write 10+ emails to get the word out about both.
- I want/need to write 3-4 more articles between now and then.
- I have help… my Virtual Assistant, babysitter, husband, and mentors. Thank goodness!
- I feel like I’m falling short. (While this is a story, I like to name the most intense thoughts and feelings)
- Inspiration is on overdrive. (I have ideas galore, but time feels limited).
- I completed a free gift offering page today. (I’ll include a link to it in next week’s Everyday Inner Peace ezine!!!)
- I’m working out daily – cardio on bike 4x’s, abs 3x’s, Booty Challenge 3x’s, stretching almost daily. (Thank goodness!)
2) What am I resisting? (For this question…what am I pushing back against mentally or emotionally? Resistance is what creates emotional quagmires. I like to name all the flavors of resistance I’m currently present to.)
- Not able to do it all simultaneously. (LOL! I know I’m not the only one who secretly wishes they could.)
- Having to pick and choose priorities.
- When the kids are demanding and I already have 2-3 things to do in that moment.
- Not having more quality time with John.
- Rest & sleep.
- Division within the country.
- Disrespect.
- Name-calling.
- Writing emails and articles.
- The potential of not getting everything done by our travels.
- C-o-v-i-d times. (I so wish they were over! Don’t you?)
- Being judged.
- Not having more uninterrupted work time.
- More to do’s than time to do them.
3) What will it cost me if I keep resisting? (This is an important question to help create leverage for change, because they is always a cost to dwelling in resistance.)
If I keep resisting, it’ll cost me:
- my ability to focus.
- my ability to get things done.
- valuable time.
- energy.
- my health.
- less attendance on my webinar.
4) What can I appreciate about the situation? (Sometimes a challenging question to answer when we’re “in it.”)
- The abundance of inspiration.
- My willingness to complete this Inner Peace Reality Check (and voila… one of my articles is now written!)
- Help from my team, mentors, friends and family.
- Babysitter coming tomorrow night… for the first time in almost 7 months!)
- Trusting.
- The flow.
- Kids in school again. Woot!
- Clarity in what I need to get done.
- An opportunity to learn and grow through this situation.
5) What are my options? (Here’s where you’ll brainstorm as many potential options given the reality of the situation. Just lay it all out here…practical ideas and crazy ideas. One option is always to “do nothing.” Another option is always to “keep resisting.”)
- Do nothing.
- Keep resisting.
- SLEEP.
- Commit to going to bed earlier.
- Embrace a stellar attitude on writing all those emails.
- Not worry about others judging me.
- Take things off my list.
- Believe in myself and ability to help people.
- Trust the process.
- Take things one step at a time.
- Ask for more help.
- Create new systems to align with our new schedule.
6) What will I consciously choose? (It’s not good enough to have options. It’s important to commit to one or more of the “options” you just identified.)
- SLEEP was the clear immediate winner on Friday night! And the minute I realized this was indeed the biggest culprit, I felt immediate relief. I’m happy to report I had a solid night’s sleep. I also committed to getting to bed earlier… and so far, I’m doing MUCH better this week.
- We’re creating new systems around school prep, drop-off and pick-up. That already feels better.
- And, while it wasn’t my intention, walking myself through the Inner Peace Reality Check helped create this article for you 🙂 Bonus!
- To one degree or another, I’ve been embracing each of the brainstormed options above. I still have the same “task list,” similar time constraints and yet, the degree of overwhelm has diffused. This is what naturally arises when you go through the 6 Questions in the Inner Peace Reality Check.
Now it’s your turn. What’s triggering you at the moment? Or, if you’re feeling good, where would you like to create some fresh momentum? It’ll only take a few minutes to walk yourself through these questions.
I’d love to hear your experience in going through the 6 Questions. You can always reply directly to this email (they go directly to me).
Until the next time…
Here’s to your success and inner peace.
PS: As a follow up to last week’s Ezine, I’m curious to hear if you pulled your “Tolerations List” together after reading last week’s ezine and watching the Radical Reset video. If you missed it, you can go here for inspiration. Don’t underestimate the power of tackling those tasky tolerations.
PSS: I’m happy to report, I finally tackled my office closet and sorting through all my kids’ work from 2nd grade. I’m telling you, tackling tasky tolerations boosts inner peace!
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